John's G-Thoughts

As I sit here at my desk with the latest issue of GQ which has a headline that reads, "We Finally Found the G-Spot! Complete Map on Page 260," I realize that I REALLY wish my life had a G-Spot.

We all have our respective G-Spots, indeed. It's that spot on or in all human beings, that when penetrated the right way, makes you want to...well...giggle, if you will. (I'm trying to keep it G-rated!)

So I am looking at my map of life (which is just a straight line in my mind)...and I want to find my life's G-spot. Where is it? Where can I find it? I want to be able to know where it is so when I find this "spot" I can...push...and shove and capitalize on the fact that I have finally found bliss, and amazement in my life. I can tell you that Morgantown is not my life's G-spot. I love this place, but it's more like...the scrotum of my life. It holds precious things, but in the end it's just kind of gross.

What I am getting at here, is while I am really happy here in Morgantown, there are things about it that make me really sad. Why does traffic make me late for any single thing to which I need to be driving? Why do I get a parking ticket when I have a permit in my windshield? Why, no matter what, do I never feel like I have enough money? Why are girls STILL wearing Ugg boots? Why does WVU have popularity contests? Where is the love of my life? Is the love of my life my G-spot? Is my G-spot an object, or is it a thought? Maybe it's my G-thought! Did I really just type that? It has a nice little ring to it though, doesn't it?

From now on when I think of something amazing, I'm going to call it my G-thought. (c)

Anyway, I am bored and slightly annoyed at the direction in which my life is going right now. I want stability and reassurance. Is that too much to ask? Maybe not even 100% stability and reassurance, but something close to it.

Do I really think that I am going to be able to pay back these student loans when I am finished with college? Is the degree I am getting worth all the time, effort, stress, and personal setback that it has already given me, halfway through my college career?

I hope you all have something to be excited, proud about. Share it with me, so I can be excited for someone! :)



Personal note for future reference: John, today you will begin Phase 1 of Operation Shut Down. You know what I'm talking about. I mean, You know what you're talking about, since you are the one writing this.

As I sit here at my desk with the latest issue of GQ which has a headline that reads, "We Finally Found the G-Spot! Complete Map on Page 260," I realize that I REALLY wish my life had a G-Spot.

We all have our respective G-Spots, indeed. It's that spot on or in all human beings, that when penetrated the right way, makes you want to...well...giggle, if you will. (I'm trying to keep it G-rated!)

So I am looking at my map of life (which is just a straight line in my mind)...and I want to find my life's G-spot. Where is it? Where can I find it? I want to be able to know where it is so when I find this "spot" I can...push...and shove and capitalize on the fact that I have finally found bliss, and amazement in my life. I can tell you that Morgantown is not my life's G-spot. I love this place, but it's more like...the scrotum of my life. It holds precious things, but in the end it's just kind of gross.

What I am getting at here, is while I am really happy here in Morgantown, there are things about it that make me really sad. Why does traffic make me late for any single thing to which I need to be driving? Why do I get a parking ticket when I have a permit in my windshield? Why, no matter what, do I never feel like I have enough money? Why are girls STILL wearing Ugg boots? Why does WVU have popularity contests? Where is the love of my life? Is the love of my life my G-spot? Is my G-spot an object, or is it a thought? Maybe it's my G-thought! Did I really just type that? It has a nice little ring to it though, doesn't it?

From now on when I think of something amazing, I'm going to call it my G-thought. (c)

Anyway, I am bored and slightly annoyed at the direction in which my life is going right now. I want stability and reassurance. Is that too much to ask? Maybe not even 100% stability and reassurance, but something close to it.

Do I really think that I am going to be able to pay back these student loans when I am finished with college? Is the degree I am getting worth all the time, effort, stress, and personal setback that it has already given me, halfway through my college career?

I hope you all have something to be excited, proud about. Share it with me, so I can be excited for someone! :)



Personal note for future reference: John, today you will begin Phase 1 of Operation Shut Down. You know what I'm talking about. I mean, You know what you're talking about, since you are the one writing this.

Do You Ever Wanna Splash Scorching Hot Coffee In Someone's Face?

Great! Then you will be able to relate to me here.

I work at a Starbucks brewery at the downtown library at West Virginia University...and I love it to death. I work with some awesome people that make me laugh very hard.

However, every once in a while a prick will have the bad luck of being one of my customers in line. There is a particular jerk that comes in with his XXL t-shirt with his Motorola Pebl phone on his ear, and is just a complete ass to whomever answers him. He doesn't say, "Could I please have a venti vanilla latte," or "Could I please have every single muffin, bagel and cookie in the display case please, I'm fat and really need to eat everything I see."

Instead he says, "I want a venti vanilla latte." Semi-throws his credit card at me. And walks away.

. . .

Now, listen here. I don't know about you but I try to be as cordial of a person as I can, no matter what the situation is. I think that as long as I am polite, and respectful to people, they will be the same to me. So, I take a breath, and get my milk-a-steamin' and continue doing what I do best...steam milk.

So, as I am making his latte, Hefty waddles back over to the counter with the phone still to his ear, and asks me "What time does this place close?" To which I reply, "Midnight."



...and the f*cker rolls his eyes!

. . .

What?

. . .

This shit head is going to roll his ugly shit brown eyes at me as I am making him his gormet coffee?

I don't think so!

So, unfortunately for him I decided to steam his milk to 200 degrees instead of the standard 160. I think that's close to like evaporating or turning in to carbon milkoxide or something like that, but I don't care. I just a'kept on steamin' that shit with this unhealthy serial killer look in my eyes.

I handed him his venti-200 degree-vanilla-I-hope-it-dissolves-your-insides-it's-so-hot-latte to him, and he jerks it off the counter and walks away in a queeny-snap-your-fingers-and-say, "No he didn't"-attitude, and that was the end of the night.

I love my job.

U.S. Open!

Let it be known that I am in love with the fact that Maria Sharapova is the 2006 U.S. Open champion this year. Tennis is my life. Maria Sharapova is the bomb. That's the end of the story.

Now Andy, let's see what you can do against some guy named Federer.

"THE F*@% I AM!?"

Situation: Riding in the car with Person A (the driver) and Person B (the front passenger). Person A is antagonizing Person B about him turning the sound off on his phone and him texting...

...I know...

Person A: We all know that you turned your phone on silent so that we couldn't hear that you were texting.
Person B: THE F*@% I AM!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAH! I love my emotionally disturbed friends.