Where Is My Life Going?

Weather: Cloudy and Overcast, around 58 degrees.
Setting: In the Lane Center with Matt, having a chat about our lives.
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...now on to my thoughts.

Today Matt and I hung out for a couple hours. After he withdrew from band, we went to get him new tires and then we chilled in the Lane Center for a while before I had to meet my friend Beth for dinner. While we were sitting there talking we talked about our lives and where they are going.

Matt seems to really enjoy life. He's a great guy and knows exactly what he wants to do and exactly how he is going to go about doing it. Matt and I are very different people but as much as we are different is as much as we are the same. We laugh at the same things and we always find each other making the other person laugh. He's lived everywhere and has had a lot of success with his music career. He is an instructor of The Magic of Orlando drum and bugle corps which he teaches every summer. He is an amazing sax player, and he already has a degree and is now seeking his second. The first in adventure sports, and now for music education. Through his travels he's seen a lot of people and been a lot of places. Most of all, he's made a lot of friends. He's talked to me about how he has grown really close to certain people in certain areas but had to leave them, and talked about how he makes trips to visit them and it's not as hard for him as it would be for most other people.

That's Matt and this is me.

Matt is able to just detach himself from his friends when he has to leave and I don't think I could do that. If I end up transferring next year, like I plan on doing, I don't know what I am going to do. I mean yeah wherever I go I will only be a stone's throw away from my friends because the schools I am looking at aren't too awfully far away from where I am. But I am getting so used to this university and the people situated within it that it's going to be really weird to just suddenly forget about everything that I had done in the previous year.

This is just a minimal realization. I am going to have to do this all my life. I mean, once I graduate from college I am going to have to go out and look to start a career. I don't want to have to make brand new friends everywhere I go. Sure, I'm a social person, but the people I love the most are going to be spanning out all over the place and that's sad to me. I want stability in my life; I am so sick of change. Growing up, that's all I did was move from house to house and was forced to make new friends. You'd think I would be used to it by now right? No, I'm not. I'm sick of it and I want it to stop.

What it comes down to is that I know this university is where I need to be. I've met Matt and a few other people that have truely impacted my life, and for that I am already satisfied with the fact that I am here. However, I know that this isn't going to be the university for me for the next couple years and I don't want everyone to just forget about me. Is that selfish? It probably is. I don't know any better. I'm rambling and my writing isn't very good right now, but I'm pouring my emotions out on to this keypad and that's okay. Right?

I think the question right now is why am I realizing this now? Why didn't I get all depressed and sad before I came here. I mean although I am coming right up the hill, I am leaving my life as a child and a citizen of Cumberland behind. There are people from high school I still haven't talked to, and why doesn't that make me as depressed as I am about leaving here?

I think what it comes down to is I really love my friends and I really love the friends I have made. I see so much potential in the friendships I have already created now and I don't want to let them go. Unfortunately, that's life, and there is nothing I can do about that. Maybe I should just be an adult and suck it up and deal with it.

Where is my life going? I love you guys.

Some Like It, Others Don't...

So, in the couple of weeks I have been in college I still haven't found someone that interests me in the love department. Ya know? I mean there are some fine foxes up in this campus but overall, there really isn't anything that I am interested in.

Sure there are a couple of people that have caught my eye, but due to whatever circumstances, I haven't been able to persue anything. Everyone looks and acts the same up here too...I've noticed that. That's awfully depressing. I mean every single girl wears the same things. Usually some demoralizing shirt, countered with some tight jeans or shorts that outline her uterus. By the way ladies of FSU, the thong hanging out of your jeans look isn't very appealing...to those of us who are looking for someone half decent. Maybe that's just me.

As for the guys it's all the same...American Eagle shirts with jeans. Most of these guys have some sort of ball hat on too...but not all. To complete the collection it is followed by some sort of silver or gold necklace and some blinging ass watch. Yeah, I have all of those things too, and occassionally fall in to that trap of blending in...but sometimes I need to. I don't want to be the one not standing out. Ya know what I mean? Half the time I am walking through campus I am wearing the same pair of shorts i slept in and a 99 cent Hanes pocket tee.

The diversity really sucks at Frostburg...I will say that. I mean really bad. Yeah there are plenty of people from all different kinds of backgrounds but not an overwhelming amount. The overwhelming amount of people are white people, with frowns, plaid shirts, and some sort of science book in his or her hand because apparently I am the only person not majoring in science here.

I can sit here and complain all day if I want, but I choose not to. There are plenty of things to be greatful for on campus...but these are just some things I've noticed. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to be here next year.

In conclusion, I think I just want to be somewhere where when I ask, "What are you doing tonight?" I don't get the response, "Going to get drunk with my friends and [insert fraternity or sorority group here]," every single time.

Just Another Friday

Today was nothing special...as usual. I always look forward to Fridays, but for what? Really, all I look forward to is not having to worry about waking up the next day and having to go to class. Granted, my classes aren't bad at all...I just would rather not have to worry about things if I can help it.

So, today I woke up and went to class at 10. Then, I had lunch with Jenessa and Matt. Following that I went back to my dorm and sat around my room for a while. Brittney called and came up and we just monkeyed around for a little while before we went to play tennis...where I sucked horribly. It's sad that I play so badly after not playing for a week...but it's all good.

After tennis, we went to Brittney's and had some cereal and then I came back home to my grammas in Bowling Green. Most people are out getting drunk, fighting with his or her girlfriend or boyfriend, or sniffing glue, or doing crack...but not I. I decided to come home and just relax. It was very nice to be able to do that. Oh yeah, I did laundry too...that was nice. My gramma has Tide with Downy the Cool Breeze kind, which makes my clothes feel sooooooo soft! I LOVE IT!

Now, I have to go to bed now so I can wake up for the FSU game. NITE!

I'll Never Forget Those Shooting Stars

Man today was a good day. I am really enjoying life right now.

College is everything that I expected. I can sleep in on certain days and the weeks have been going by so fast. As the days progress through the week, they become easier for me. I go from having 4 classes Monday, 2 on Tuesday, 3 on Wednesday, and then 2 on Thursday and Friday. So it's like the more I wait it out, the more I will get rewarded by not having to worry about too much at the end of the week.

My professors are really cool. I like them a lot. My Cosmic Concepts professor plays all kinds of musical instruments and is very talented! He played for us last Friday, so I am hoping he will today too. My Philosophy teacher is really cool. I am in Philosophy 102 which is Contemporary Ethical Problems. Basically we disucess issues that are happening within the world right now and try to figure out why we think they are moral or immoral. I feel like Professor Bucchino is learning as much as he is teaching. He pretty much tells us what the book says, and then the classroom full of diverse, and very intelligent people I might add, show him a different perspective. It's exactly what I wanted to experience in that class! My Intro to Literature class is A LOT of fun too! We just finished the book City of Glass by Paul Auster. It's an AMAZING book! It kept me guessing through every page. That class has many open minded and energetic people which is the perfect setting for that type of class. Kevin Kehrwald, the professor is very laid back which makes it easier to open up and share opinions.

Tonight after I hung out with Jenessa at Compton during her work, Mary, Nick, and I went to Dan's Rock State Park. For those of you not from this area, it's just a rock formation at the top of a mountain that looks over many miles and many lights. Mary and Nick kind of argued for a while and I just went over and laid on a rock and looked up at the stars. It was like a 3/4 moon so it was very bright and not many stars could be seen...but there were enough to enjoy it. As I was laying there listening to the bickering behind me, I saw a shooting star! It was a very exciting experience. I don't remember the last time I saw a shooting star. Suddenly, just as I was getting calm again from that shooting star, I saw another one. And soon after another! It was awesome! I couldn't believe that after all these years of not seeing a single one, I saw three. It was then that I realized, through the bickering in the background from Mary and Nick, that I was able to be excited about something as simple as a shooting star. That's when I knew I was in good shape. I felt like a little kid again. While some of my closest friends are bickering about relationships, I am still able to relax and just appreciate the amazing celestial sky that was available to me that night.

In conclusion, I would just like that thank God for blessing me with the life I have. Although certain things can be better...overall I have been blessed with the mindset and the friends, and the family, and everything. I would also suggest to whomever is reading this right now, to take some time out of your busy life, and go lay outside one night and look at the stars. Appreciate what has been provided for you; you never know when it could all be taken away.

It's Becoming Fall Again

So my life has been pretty hectic lately. I started college and it's freaking me out. The weather is starting to turn bitterly cold, and I don't appreciate that either. Let's sum up the past couple weeks.

I moved in to 200 Frost Hall. It's a decent place. Certain people don't like it, others don't mind it. I don't. I have a roomate. His name is Jake. He's pretty cool! He plays tennis. He's tough, but I've managed to find the cracks to get through to beat him. Let's see...what else.

Classes aren't that bad either. I am an undecided major for those of you who didn't know. I am taking Gen Ed classes that I have to get out of the way for right now until I figure out what I want to do with my life. God only knows what I want. Nevertheless, the classes are managable, and fun.

People I have met up here are awesome too. I've met so many, I will just name a few. Kara, she and I talked all summer online and she's awesome! She's in my math class and she is the nicest girl on earth. Ledra(pronounced Lee-Druh) is her roomate. She too is very cool and reminds me of that girl in Jurassic Park: The Lost World that is the daughter of Jeff Goldbloom...ya know the one that does a parallel bar routine and kicks that raptor's ass in the shed...yeah her. Matt is pretty cool too. He played Jake (my roomate) in the deciding match to go on to regionals back in Leonardtown. He plays tennis and he's cool for the most part. There's also this guy Ryan who is my next dorm neighbor. He lives in 201. He too is in my math class and is rushing the frat Phi Tau. He's one of the cooler ones up here. His roomate Larry is awesome too. He listens to all the same music as I do and he and I have a lot in common. There is my friend Nick, who is also Mary's boyfriend. He and I have been hanging out a lot and we act a lot alike. He's awesome and has a one of kind personality. There is also Jenessa's boyfriend Matt. He and I have a lot in common too and he's very easy to get along with. He has a lot going for him and seems to be very goal oriented. I think that's awesome because most people would let his or her personal issues or happenings get in the way of his or her career...but not Matt. He is focussed and prepared to deal with what comes his way which is very admirable. He is not letting his talents be prostituted and is kicking ass in the process. He is actually becoming one of my really close friends which is awesome.

I'm sure I have missed some people but I will get to you guys later. Those are just the people that I see up here all the time ya know?

I don't know how long I will be another face at this institution, but I know for now this is where I need to be. I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

So, basically the last couple weeks of my life have been well. I hope that everyone else is having a good time doing whatever he or she is doing. Good luck to all of you in college or whatever you have started doing with your lives. I will start updating more, now that I am in a routine! Adios for now!